The Godly Home Series
The other day, presidential candidate Joe Biden stated that parents in America need help to raise their children. He suggested that the government needs to increase the social workforce and send them to poor communities in order to help parents train their children. This is the LAST thing people need. The entire concept of raising children is God’s idea. He created male and female and commissioned them to steward His creation. He told them to reproduce and fill the earth. Being created in the image of God, man would have borne children who also bear the image of God and thereby the earth would have been filled with His glory.
But we fell prey to the deceitfulness of sin, choosing our own way rather than God’s way. The pinnacle of God’s creation – the family unit – was now marred by sin. All who are born have a bent toward sin. That beautiful child you brought into the world was born in iniquity. Islamic theology teaches that children are born innocent, without sin. Because of society and outside influences, children eventually give in to sin. In this teaching, sin is not really a big deal. Essentially, my sin is the result of the influence of Satan and the world of unbelievers. I’m not really to blame. It is not just Islam that teaches this type of thinking. Post-modern western society declares that sin is a social construct. Truth is what you experience and how you feel. You are not really that bad of a person. In fact, there are no bad people, just misunderstood people. If you think this way, you probably weren’t disciplined as a child.
The Bible exposes the foolishness of men’s wisdom, reveals the truth of man’s sinful condition, declares the plight of his condemnation and proclaims the hope of his salvation in Jesus Christ. You and I have sinned against God because it is our nature to do so. We want to sin against God. We are born with a bent toward iniquity. To prove the point we must simply look at reality. No one has to teach a child to lie, or steal, or be selfish. We don’t have to give lessons on how to do wrong. It comes naturally to children. Even when they cannot discern why sin is sin, a child, even as young as a toddler, knows in his conscience that they have done wrong.
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Proverbs 22:15
There is no doubt that the world today has become hostile to biblical principles of discipline. If we are going to raise children that honor God, we must expose them to the true consequence of sin. They must come to realize their personal culpability for sin. They must learn to submit to authority. David acknowledged the fact that we are “shapen in iniquity.” Iniquity means lawlessness and the Hebrew word “shaped” in Psalm 51:5 means to be twisted or to make a spiral motion. In other words, something in us is constantly spirally downward toward rebellion. We are twisted against nature and rebellious to God’s order.
The First Commandment with Promise
The Bible says that children are to obey their parents which is the first commandment with promise. When children learn to willfully submit to authority, beginning with parental authority, they are promised an extended life. In other words, a child that grows up rebellious against authority will probably have a hard go at life. They will struggle with their occupation, with healthy friendships and with nurturing a relationship with a spouse.
Proverbs tells us that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. Their bad behavior is like a neatly wrapped Christmas gift that begins to unravel and reveal itself the moment you bring that bundle of joy home from the hospital. It usually rears its ugly head in the most inconvenient times.
Several years ago the former African director for our mission agency made a visit to our country. After dinner at our colleague’s house, as we were leaving, I told my toddler to say goodbye to Mr. Bragg. He refused so I reminded him that he needs to obey or else be punished. He then did something he had never done before (and has never done since). As I held him in my arms, he looked me in the eye and spit in my face. To say I was embarrassed is an understatement. “He’s never done that before,” I told everyone who was standing there judging my parenting skills. Our director leaned forward and insightfully replied, “He doesn’t fear the punishment.”
He was right. This was our first child and, to be honest, I was not correcting him properly. I hated the thought of utilizing the rod as a means of correction. I thought I loved my child too much to correct him using this method. What I did not realize is that I was not only being selfish, but disobedient to Scripture. Proverbs 13:24 says, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”
We must teach our children the consequence of sin.
This begins with corporal punishment. Sin brings much more than physical pain and ruin to life. Sin, when it is finished with you, brings death. Moses told Israel that they had to make the choice to obey. “I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live” (Deut. 30:19). Children must learn to discern between good and evil and know the consequence of choosing to submit to either one. Moses pleaded, “Choose life that you may live.” Sin will only lead to a life of misery and destruction.
The rod will reinforce this truth at an early age. First of all, discipline is absolutely necessary for the healthy development of the child in the fear of the Lord. Discipline teaches a child to recognize that there is order and meaning in life and that a successful life is a life that learns to submit to authority.
The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Proverbs 29:15
Secondly, biblical discipline must be motivated by love if it is going to be effective for the betterment of the child. Biblical discipline is not a punishment for behavior that frustrates us. It is a correction that puts the child on the right path, teaches in a very real way the pain sin will cause and enforces the need to submit to authority. But it must be administered in love.
When a child is biblically disciplined, he will develop a sense of security and a deeper sense of love and acceptance on the part of the disciplining parent. Jesus tells us in Revelation 3:19 that whom He loves, he rebukes and chastens.
Lastly, when practicing the discipline of discipline, we must understand the goal of punishment. We are never to provoke our children to wrath. The fastest way to put them on the path to wrath is to discipline our children out of frustration, anger or embarrassment. Children may have a rebellious nature, but they are very keen to discern true love. The goal of a child’s formation is to develop godly discernment, not just to force him to obey rules. A parent who loves his child will bring them up in the nurture and admonish of the Lord. This requires a deliberate investment in our own spiritual development.
Too often, we throw punishment at our children for punishment’s sake. We must ever be growing in our approach to disciplining our children. We must be willing to learn and mature as our children mature. We don’t punish a toddler the same way we punish a teenager. Know that the objective of discipline is to train a child to discern right from wrong and have the will to submit to what is right.
As our children grow older, we need to teach them why we do what we do. Why are they being punished? Why is it what they did wrong? It’s one thing to tell a 4-year-old to obey because you said so. It won’t work with your teenager. It will only breed rebellion. Training a child in the admonition of the Lord will lead a child not only to respect authority and obey what is right but also to discern what is good and what is not and to choose the right.
Today is the most important day for deciding to practice Bible principles in your home. Raising children is not easy. They can be your greatest joy and weigh down your heart with great sadness. But follow the teachings of the Bible, trust God and practice the true faith. Nobody is perfect. That’s why we have a Bible! To correct, instruct, and to guide us in the path of justice. Seek the wisdom of God and he will give it.