“Loneliness comes with the territory.”
I don’t remember if that statement was something that I read in a book or if it was a missionary wife who forewarned me of the isolation I would feel on the mission field. Little did I realize just how much that statement would affect every facet of my life overseas. My husband and I have been missionaries for over 13 years and have been serving in Senegal, Africa for 9 of those years. When I was younger, I could never have seen myself going to the mission field. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I’m doing and I knew what I was getting into when I married Josh. My husband was called to be a missionary when he was 13 and knew he was going to Senegal by the time he was 18. However, I had not really considered missions until I met Josh.
To say that I do not enjoy public speaking would be an understatement. It was a real fear of mine. Week after week as we traveled to churches, I was thrust into the spotlight of public speaking. When I should have had joy in presenting God’s work, I was overwhelmed with fear. Then we began language school. I wasn’t afraid of working hard and studying to learn a new language, I just wasn’t very good at it. My fear also caused me not to pick up the language very well. I was allowing my fear to not only steal my joy but to hinder my ministry. This little fear had turned into a major personal crisis. It wasn’t just affecting my own life, but the lives of those to whom I was called to minister.
After dredging through language school (I never gave up at it!) we moved to Senegal. It was not long before another trial of loneliness was to enter my life. Loneliness was a trial that was going to cause me to confront my fear and call it out for what it truly was. I Peter 1:6 says, “Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations.” Greatly rejoice though we face heaviness through manifold temptations? What joy is there in difficulties?
What I have come to understand is that verse 6 is the key to successfully enduring our trials for the glory of God. The principle is this: Trials are a gift of God’s mercy that flow out of His goodness and love and are given to us for our good. When we accept our crisis’ as a gift of God’s goodness, we will learn to rejoice in them. It is easy for us to justify our fears and failures, chalking it up to our nature and personality. Failing to surrender to God our fears will steal our joy. It will also blind us to the true cause of our fears, which is often pride. Loneliness was a grace sent by God to make me confront my fear, realize my weakness and reveal my true spiritual condition which was hiding behind my fear: pride. I did not view loneliness as a gift from God for a long time. I struggled spiritually, mentally and physically for many months, even years.
When I accepted loneliness as a grace from God, He, in turn, gave me the grace to endure it and count it a joy! Through it, I realized that my fear of public speaking was not a personality flaw, it was rooted in a fear of looking stupid in front of others. I surrendered my pride to God and in turn, my language ability improved. The Lord will turn your trial into joy when you realize that the trial itself is a mercy of God’s goodness for your good. Cast your care upon the Lord and find joy in the trials of life!